Weekly Weigh-In {117}

Welcome to another edition of Weekly Weigh In Wednesday!  Please stop over and check out your hosts Ash, Erin and Heather!

Weigh In Wednesday

I almost decided to skip this week.  Monday and Tuesday I woke up feeling so bloated, had to change my clothes a million times to find something that I was comfortable in!  This morning was a little better though, I wasn’t feeling as bloated and to me it was even noticeable in the mirror!


So there you have it, even with a horrible weekend I managed to lose 1.6#.  I’m pretty sure most of it was water weight, but whatever, it’s going in the right direction and that’s all that matters.  I really need another good loss next week.  I need to stay strong this weekend!!!  We don’t have any real plans besides going to the drive in.  My plan, eat as little fat and as few carbs as possible all day so I can indulge in some good ole movie popcorn!  The stuff is disgusting when I think about what’s on it, but IT TASTE SOOO GOOOD!!!

Technically I was supposed to do measurements last week and it was supposed to be week 5, but since I was on vacation and not doing my regular routine the week before, I called it Week 4 and skipped the measurements.  Since I was feeling so bloated this week and you aren’t supposed to measure when you’re bloated I almost skipped this week too, but since I was feeling ok this morning I decided to stick with the plan of measuring on the odd weeks and did it anyway…


So even though I’m a little bloated still I’m still down 4″ and I’m happy with that.  I think some of the difference in my legs has more to do with the exact measurement spot than anything else.  At 4am it’s kinda hard to remember EXACTLY where you measured 2 weeks ago!  I won’t lie, I’ve seriously considered using a sharpie.  Unfortunately I think I shower too frequently for it to last 2 weeks.

I’d love to come up with some other great and motivational thing to say today, but I’m currently so buried at work I’m sending apology emails for missing a meeting while sitting in another meeting!

5 Year Difference

First I want to thank everyone who sent me a message yesterday! It’s always nice to know you aren’t the only one.

I must say when I was looking up memes to post I found it quite disturbing how many of the them about depression were not up lifting. I mean depression is well, depressing, but I expected to find more memes that might make people feel better rather than make them feel worse.

Anyway, I guess today is a good day to remind myself of where I started and how far I’ve come! Here’s a little Transformation Tuesday…


I’m not really sure of the weight difference here. I actually didn’t start getting my act together until a few years after this family picture, although I attempted when I saw them!

I know the confidence on most days is 100 times better and most importantly I know that my health is significantly better. Lillian weighs about 30 more pounds now I’d guess and I can pick her up with confidence and carry her around if I need to, although I try to avoid it.

There is no way I would have been able to pick her up and put her into this bed while she was asleep if I was still in the condition I was in 2009…


Motivation Monday

Welcome to another Motivation Monday Link Up.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to post today. I though about my standard “it was a happy weekend but today’s a great day to start fresh” post. Or maybe the “I didn’t do great this weekend but it was better than it used to be” post. Instead I’ve decided on the raw honesty I’ve always promised.

While both of the other posts would be true, they wouldn’t tell the whole story and I’m on the team that thinks not telling the whole truth is just like lying.  So here we go….

Friday night I was proud of myself. Thanks to mother nature my hormones and therefore emotions were raging. I wanted chocolate, peanut butter, cookies, cakes, ice cream, whatever. But I didn’t. I slipped up and had a part of a Hershey bar, but I adjusted my dinner and came in Damn close to my macros. I went to bed in order to prevent any damage.

Saturday I had all planned out. Coffee, protein smoothie, lunch and even what I was going to eat at Hubby’s b u birthday bbq.

Then both girls woke up. Miss Lillian decided she was painting her nails and Laney Lou decided she was going to pee anywhere but the potty. This included her bed, my bed and the floor. All while I’m trying to get my meal plan for this week done, the grocery list and have our house ready to entertain by 2pm.

I was good, despite my own fits suited for a 2 year old, and I stayed strong all the way to the store.  Of course thanks to extra cleaning delays, forgetting the grill tank at home and being generally disorganized, we ended up leaving for town at the same time Laney Lou was in desperate need of a nap.

At the store samples of mini cupcakes were out and chocolate chip cookies. I indulged telling myself I wouldn’t have the planned cupcake at the bbq.

I lied to myself saying it helped me relax against the whining to ride in the cart, on the side of the cart, walk, no in the cart…

By the time I made my 3 stops it was passed 2pm and my MIL had already called to find out where I was because she was at the house.

On the way home it was all I could do not to burst out into tears. I knew I would be cutting close getting home before Hubby returned from his golfing, bringing the guys with him for an afternoon and evening of eating,  drinking and bbq fun. I had told Traci I would watch her boys thinking it would be good for miss Lillian to have there.

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together in front f people. I had know this was coming for weeks and refused to let my depression win, but I was quickly becoming weak and losing the battle.

My main concern was making sure I didn’t ruin Hubby’s bbq. I got a hold of my mom and Traci and made plans. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay at the bbq. Telling Hubby I wanted to take the girls to my mom’s for the night was so hard. He said he didn’t care if I went, but let’s face it, you never know the emotion behind a text. I knew he’d understand if I could explain to him while he was sober, but by this time I had no idea if he had been drinking or if I’d even have a few minutes alone with him.

Unfortunately I didn’t get to explain. His feelings got hurt, my feelings got hurt and I felt even more depressed for having ruined his bbq. Everyone thought we were fighting apparently which is what actually caused our argument.

In the end I made light of it with the guys telling them I thought it best to leave them to have their party and do what they wanted without bothering me or the girls trying to sleep.  They once again I thought I was a great wife.

Before leaving, rather than having my planned chicken I ended up with a burger (bun, cheese, ketchup and a little mayo) and a hot dog (no bun, dipped in ketchup and mustard), oh and probably 5 or so scoops with salsa con queso.

Leaving the house made my stomach hurt. Why couldn’t I just be normal and have with my husband to celebrate his birthday? Why do I have to have the worst timing in the world to lose control of my emotions? It was a long hour + drive to my mom’s.

The night ended with me cuddled in bed with Laney trying not to cry, but not before consuming a sugar packed grape dessert salad, a cupcake and a brownie with ice cream on top.  I vowed Sunday would be better.

It wasn’t. I didn’t cry all day, but I certainly didn’t eat great. My coffee choices were limited. As in I had to get milk from the neighbors and my mom only had regular sugar. Breakfast was 2 eggs, English muffin, with cheese and ham. This I knew I could make fit in my macros, but I didn’t have a plan to begin with so I had no idea where to begin fixing it. I did manage to steer my car away from Dunkin Doughnuts on the way home, but that effort was later overshadowed by the chocolate bar with peanut butter, pizza, breadsticks and wings and a dessert of bananas, peanut butter, chocolate chips, arctic zero and caramel topping.

I went to bed hating myself. I cried myself to sleep wondering why I can’t just be happy? Why am I so stressed and short tempered all the time? Why can’t I control my damn eating?

It was about 11 when I finally found sleep.  I remember promising myself no matter what today was going to be a new beginning. A new beginning with food, exercise, and finding myself.  In the 4.5 hours I slept I don’t know how much I tossed and turned or how many times I woke up.  I still got my butt out f bed at 3:30 for chest day.

It was a rough workout, I actually cried at one point wondering why it was Sao hard to lift those dumbbells. I should be able to do at least 2 reps! It wasn’t pretty but I made myself push through.

Sitting here now, I know that I have a tough road ahead of me. I know that I need to find the root of my stress and do something about it. I know that I need to lean on my support when I start feeling the cracks, not when I’m ready to break.

I know there are others out there who go through the same thing. Thus is when you normally give up, you tell yourself there’s no hope, you can’t do it! But you CAN !!!  Its hard but you can do it and you WILL feel better. I know this post is a little depressing but I decided to post this today because if I reach just one other person and help them pull through then bearing my soul was worth it!


Check out what my co-hosts are talking about this week…
Wendy Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ / Instagram
Alisha  Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / You Tube / Instagram
Betty Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’
Gwen  Twitter / Pinterest / Bloglovin’
Jen Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram
Jennifer Facebook /  Instagram
Morgan Facebook  / Pinterest /  Instagram Theresa Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Instagram
Tiffany Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram

Weekly Weigh-In {116}

Well I can honestly say I’m glad it’s Weekly Weigh In Wednesday and my Weekly Weigh In Monday!

Weigh In Wednesday

When I stepped on the scale Monday morning I was pretty devastated with the number I saw. Let’s just say I’ve lost 9 lbs of water weight in 48 hours. I knew I was dehydrated and was expecting to be in the 170s but nit that close to 180! I didn’t take into account I over did it with Chinese Sunday night. So add that sodium to already being dehydrated and it’s a recipe for a depressing weigh in! I had no idea what to expect this morning. I knew I’d be down considerably but I didn’t think I’d be out of the 170s.


I’m disappointed in myself for not doing better on vacation, but I know I tried and I was completely conscious of the decisions I made so I’m ok with this number. Now it’s time to get back to work!

I have 3 rough days coming up over the next 4 weeks but I know I can do this! I will do this!

Motivation Monday – Willpower

So thanks to no internet at home I’m posting this a day late…

I’ve been thinking about how I want to write this Motivation Monday post all morning. I wouldn’t exactly say I’m feeling motivated today or even motivational. Really I feel like I’ve let myself and others down in the motivation department.

Last week my absence was mostly due to being on vacation. I hate posting from my phone, but here I am on my lunch break walking the track at work and posting from my phone. It’s the only way I’ve found to fit it all in without making my work out home life suffer.

Anyway when I started to think about what I was going to write today the first thing that came to mind was willpower and how I completely lost it last week, making me so glad it’s Monday, with a fresh start and having my willpower back. This got me thinking about what I think willpower really is.

According to dictionary.com Willpower is: control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control.

Without sugar coating anything, unlike half the food I ate last week, we all have Willpower. I hear all the time “I wish I had your willpower” and the truth is, you do, we all do! What happens is that we don’t use our Willpower.

I think most of us get our Willpower from our desires. We base all of our decisions on the things that we want. Whatever desire is at the front of our brain tends to sway our decisions the most.

You the cliché that all weight loss bloggers use? “It just clicked this time”. Well it’s really all there is to it. Once it “clicked” in my head that this is what I desired I knew what I had to do to get it. From then on most of my desires were weren’t as important as that desire to lose the weight. It’s always the weight loss at the front of my mind.

Then you get complacent, things start to fee like they aren’t working and your discouragement inches its way to the front of your mind. Your Willpower is making the choice to ignore the discouragement.

I just found this saying today and it really is true, for me at least. Using my willpower, just like using my muscles wears me out eventually, it gets hard and I get mentally fatigued. Oddly enough my actual physical fatigue makes exercising my willpower even harder.

Last week I woke up every morning with determination and willpower. Some days I barely made it through breakfast and other days I made it all the way til dinner or after. Unfortunately though, every night ended with me losing the battle. I would go to bed telling myself that tomorrow is a new day and I will do better. Doing better will make me feel better physically and emotionally. By this weekend I was just mentally exhausted from trying to push myself to do better.

Even right now I don’t know if my Willpower and motivation is back, but I do know that wanting to feel better and look better is the desire at the front of my brain again. I didn’t have a chance to plan meals for the whole week and I certainly don’t have anything prepped, but I have been doing this long enough that I know if I stick to the same general meals in the morning I will be good at the end of the day.

So rather than be jealous of someone else’ willpower, create your own and exercise it! All you have to do is make the decision to try.

Check out what my co-hosts are talking about this week…
Wendy Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ / Instagram Alisha  Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / You Tube / Instagram Betty Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ Gwen  Twitter / Pinterest / Bloglovin’ Jen Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram Jennifer Facebook /  Instagram Morgan Facebook  / Pinterest /  Instagram Theresa Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Instagram Tiffany Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram

Weekly Weigh In {114} – #ThinnerLeanerStronger

Another week gone…

Weigh In Wednesday

I’ll get right to the point, I’m not happy with this week’s Weigh In Wednesday.


Yup, that’s a 1# gain :-( Saturday really did a number on me last weekend. It doesn’t help that my macros have been off some the last few days as I’ve been trying to adjust on the fly. Today will be better though!

It is Week 3 of following #ThinnerLeanerStronger and #ShreddedSummer though and that means measurements!!!
TLS Meansurement Week 3

Total loss: 4.5″ and 1.8% Body Fat

For only 2 weeks I’d say that’s some great progress!

Saturday we leave for a week long cabin camping trip. The cabin has running cold water a stove and fridge, but that’s it. I’ve been trying hard to get a meal plan together for myself that I can follow and have a great weigh in when I come back.

I won’t lie, every day this week I’ve thought about just saying screw it and eating just like everyone else, but I know in the end that will only make me miserable. I will of course probably eat some junk almost every day, whether it’s a few chips, drinks or some ice cream, but I do plan to have a meal plan and stick to it. Maybe if I can do that my treats will be less. The best part, this year Hubby seems to understand better why my eating healthy is so important to me and tries to help me stay on track and encourages me rather than trying to make me feel “better” by saying things like “it’s vacation so it’s ok” or “it’s not going to kill you.” He’s right it won’t kill me and it is vacation, but being healthy is a way of life, on vacation or not. It’s all about moderation, and gorging for a week is not moderation.

Besides, I also don’t want to feel like crap all week cause I’m eating crap!

How are you doing this week? Do you do better or worse during the summer? I’ll let you know what my tough times are tomorrow.  Today you should stop over and see Ash though!

So What If Its Tuesday?

Mama's Losing It

Monday’s aren’t the only day we need motivation, are they? Yesterday was seriously a cluster Fish for me. I only got to do half my workout, late for work, computer problems, phone problems and the added stress of planning food and packing for our weeks’ vacation.

I’m proud of myself though, despite wanting to eat pound of chocolate chip cookies, I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I didn’t eat any. I stuck to my meal plan even though my post workout meal wasn’t what I thought it would be like. I know that some days things just aren’t going to be what I want them to be and I’ve learned to accept that and take them for what they are. Yesterday was one of those days.

Today, I have already been “rewarded”. First I took measurements this morning. While they could probably be better, I’m happy with where they are. I’ll share them tomorrow for Weekly Weigh In Wednesday.

When I got to work a guy I work with complimented me on my dress. It may not have been a compliment about my weight or anything, but telling me he liked my dress means I must not make it look bad, LOL.
And just a few moments ago when I went to the cafeteria to make my breakfast the mother of one of my highschool friends was in there. She told me I look great since losing all the weight after my second pregnancy.

Right now, I feel good, I feel good about tomorrow, even if I don’t have a huge loss like I want, I know that I’m farther along than I was a week ago and a heck of a lot better off than I was 2 weeks ago!

The important thing is NOT to be perfect, but to be persistent and make a little progress every day. The progress can be anything, mental, physical, resisting a food, or even understanding why you couldn’t resist a food (hello chocolate and peanut butter!).

Check out what my co-hosts are talking about today…
Wendy Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ / Instagram Alisha  Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / You Tube / Instagram Betty Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ Gwen  Twitter / Pinterest / Bloglovin’ Jen Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram Jennifer Facebook /  Instagram Morgan Facebook  / Pinterest /  Instagram Theresa Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Instagram Tiffany Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram

weekly Weigh In {113}

Well last week at this time I had lost a significant amount of water weight. On this Weekly Weigh In Wednesday I’ve lost a little more water weight and hopefully started working on some of the fat too!

Weigh In Wednesday

June was a rough month for me. Overall I only lost about 2 lbs and I honestly don’t know if I lost any inches at all. My bloating at the end of the month was horrible! On the plus side, even with a bunch of “cheat meals” and a whole week where I pretty much didn’t pay much attention at all, I still managed to do a little better than maintain. That right there is progress! I have now been back on track for 9 days and I’m feeling great! I think cutting my calories some did make me lose a few reps, but the scale is moving and right now I need to see that too! So here’s this week’s numbers… PhotoGrid_1404302612628 I’m feeling pretty good about these numbers. Like I said last week, I was pretty sure I had another 3-4#s of water weight and I lost almost 4 lbs this week. Only 10 more days until we leave on vacation (counting today) in order to hit my goal of being back in the 150s, I need to lose just over 4 lbs.

I have a 4 day weekend coming up, but I have a plan! Thursday is going to be spent setting up my new workout area, shouldn’t be too hard to stay motivated to eat right that day!

Friday we are going to my MIL’s camp, thankfully she will completely understand when I bring my own food.

Saturday is my one day I’m planning to have a cheat meal. With my new plan I’d normally just do a refeed day with added carbs, but I’m not sure what all is going to be at the picnic we’re going to so I’m just planning one meal where I will make decent choices and not over stuff myself.

Sunday, it’s right back on track and preparing for next week!

Doesn’t sound too hard right? It never sounds too hard, especially when you are feeling motivated. What is hard is when you are in the moment and that brownie is saying “Eat Me, Eat ME, EAT ME!!!” Since I look at my phone a lot (read too much) during the day I finally put up some wallpapers to keep me motivated. Along with a picture of each of my girls, these are the wallpapers that made it to my phone for now…
You can find the links to all of these on my Pinterest page.

#ShreddedSummer – Before!

So I’m all about giving myself as much motivation to move forward with my progress as I can.  And thanks to Mike Matthews from MuscleForLife.com, I’ve got even more!  He’s running a #ShreddedSummer contest that runs from now until September, which is kind of perfect for me because my personal 8 week challenge take me into August.

In September Mike and his team are going to look at all of the transformation photos and pick the top 10.  Those top 10 will then be posted for everyone to vote on.  The winner gets $1000 cash! 

Why not add $1000 to my motivation for something I’m pushing for already?!

I think I need to change the background on my phone for this challenge.  While I love seeing the pics I have on there, I could use a little reminder and motivation every time I look at my phone!  

Anyway, rather than posting a transformation picture, I’m posting my before pictures for the transformation post I’ll do in September when this challenge is over and I’ve submitted my results…20140630_195737 20140630_195724


Motivation Monday – Weekend & Weights

Well I’ve certainly got some motivation on this Motivation Monday!
Mama's Losing It
These boxes you see below, can you guess what they are???

Those would be my brand new Olympic weight bench and weights!!!

Who is this girl? I feel like a little kid at Christmas! I’m a little sad that they are still in the box, but we have a space issue to figure out and it just wasn’t happening last night.

Really the purchase was completely unplanned. I’ve been pricing benches and weights for a while now. When I went into Dick’s yesterday the plan was to just buy some new lifting gloves. The ones I had were cheap and still leaving my hands super sore. I had found a pair I liked, but of course they didn’t have then in a M, only a L so I had the buy a more expensive pair, but in the end I’m pretty sure I’ll be happier with the ones I got. After that I decided to walk around and check out the prices. I was shocked when I saw the price on that bench. It was about half of what I’d been pricing online.

At first I walked out with only the gloves I went in for. Of course I sent Hubby a picture though and asked what he thought. My biggest concern was the space it would take up. At first Hubby just told me to get it if I want and need it and that we’d figure the space out. Then I got to thinking that as much I want the bench, I’m going to need more weights soon or I won’t be able to make progress. Although for my legs I wouldn’t be able to make progress anyway without a rack cause I wouldn’t be able to get the weights up on my shoulders. Anyway, I mentioned that I probably needed the weights more, but they didn’t sell just the weights for the bar I have and that the 300# Olympic bar set was about the same as the bench. I suggestively mentioned that we haven’t spent any of tax return. My wonderful husband told me to get them both!

Not wanting to miss my chance I headed straight back to Dick’s and bought them! Now I’m praying I can find a way to make the space for them! I might have to wait until Thursday though when I have a whole day off so that I’m not making a mess and don’t have room to do my workouts in the morning.

I’m on the fence on how I feel about me week overall last week. On the one had I was nearly PERFECT up until Sunday! I did pretty good on Sunday too even when I ordered my meal at Applebee’s. I didn’t even look at the menu! In the end though I order the da cookie monster and it threw off my whole macros! Oh well, it was a far cry better than most week for me! I’m just bummed because I really wanted an entire prefect week and I planned my butt off for it. No one to blame but myself I suppose. I’ll do better this weekend, hopefully. Obviously it’s a holiday weekend and we will be on the run at least Friday and Saturday, but I know I can make this work! I have some new motivation and I’m going to use it!

What are you thinking about on this Motivation Monday?

Check out what my co-hosts are talking about today…
Wendy Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ / Instagram Alisha  Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / You Tube / Instagram Betty Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest / Google+ / Bloglovin’ Gwen  Twitter / Pinterest / Bloglovin’ Jen Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram Jennifer Facebook /  Instagram Morgan Facebook  / Pinterest /  Instagram Theresa Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Instagram Tiffany Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest /  Bloglovin’ / Instagram

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